This Song Saved My Life (Lawson)

Lawson felt broken.

The heartache that plagued the male was paralyzing. Just as things were finally beginning to return to normal after the Blutwald war, life had another cruel trick up its sleeve.

Golden eyes did a quick sweep around the dark cavern where he was currently taking residence. The musky smell of wet earth invaded his nostrils, nearing the point of bringing discomfort. Mud caked his brown and black fur that remained damp due to the large amount of moisture lingering within the uprooted tree. Outside, the small burble of a creek added to the chorus of birds.

He didn’t think he would return to this place. When was the last time he took shelter here? His eyebrows furrowed in thought. It had been when Alcatraz sought him out months ago after he began to outcast himself from his friends and family. When the wound to his shoulder was still raw, bleeding, refusing to heal, mostly due to the self-inflicting guilt that tormented him for so many moons.

After the wakeup call from his alpha – along with his training and constant encouragement – he slowly found his way into the light. Always social and optimistic, the change in attitude post-war hadn’t gone unnoticed by those close to him. Imagine their relief and his own when the old Lawson was finally returning.

Things were finally falling into place. With Alcatraz, Seaver, Erin, and Hani by his side, everything felt right. Normal - a feeling he had been longing for.

Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

He was the first to admit when Erin ran after him nearly a year ago, he was annoyed that his baby sister had to tag along. However, after about five minutes of complaining, he was eternally grateful she experienced this adventure with him.

They flourished in Aryn – he rose the ranks as a Courser and she a Vicar, finding a meaning in life by learning the ways of The One, which he teased her relentlessly about. Still, he loved his sister with his whole heart.

An attraction between her and the wounded wolf Caiden was obvious to anyone with eyes. It seemed only like a matter of time before the two would become mates.

An event that both excited and terrified the brown wolf.

The last thing he expected was the two to suddenly elope and leave the safety of the pack.

His jaw hung open dumbly, unable to process this plan. Leave? Weren’t they happy here? Why couldn’t they build their lives and future within the safety and comfort of Aryn?

No amount of convincing changed her mind. So, with a heavy heart and a silent prayer, he bid his sister and her new mate goodbye. Even now, the memory of her going into the sunset with her beloved made his heart clench painfully.

Were they safe? Happy? Had they been blessed with a family of their own? So many unanswered questions he was longing to have the answers to.

He missed her like hell.

Back in the present, Laws exhaled through his nose loudly. With a small groan of effort, he rolled from one side to the other. His muscles were beginning to seize up from remaining idle, cramped, inside the hidden cavern.

Life moved on after that. Lawson and Seaver found comfort in each other after their siblings left for a new life. Their friendship grew stronger and he treated the wolf like a brother. They worked perfectly in sync on hunts, survived the attack of a rogue bison, and he was the first to congratulate his friend on his promotion to Beta. No wolf deserved to be a member of the Rah’at more.

With Seaver and Hani by his side – the infamous Courser Crew – life was perfect. Nothing could wrong.

Oh, how naïve he had been.

A pained moan bounced off the walls. Eyelids momentarily hid the pain and anguish reflecting in his golden eyes. Pinned shut, he tilted his head down so his chin touched his chest, bringing up his paw to rest across his eyes, trying in vain to shut the world out even more. For weeks, this heartache tortured him. He couldn’t eat, sleep, or barely even function – it felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, bleeding for all to see.

It had happened so suddenly. The Beta had been sent on a mission to investigate Chandor to see if they provide any relief to the aliment of the Alphas’ son. Naturally, the slender wolf had chosen his best friend to go with him.

The trip seemed to be uneventful, nothing out of the ordinary. That was until the two decided to settle down for the night.

Who knows what caused those feelings to sudden show themselves. Lawson groaned once again at the memory. He still remembered what his friend smelled like, the erotic feeling of Seaver’s tongue on his battle wound, the look of his shock in his eyes, and how the Beta held him close in the storm…

Stop!

The One, why did his subconscious continue to haunt him so? It wasn’t fair! What did he do to be put through this suffering time and time again? The feelings and emotions the Courser felt that night were unlike anything he ever experienced. He refused to admit to them, buried them deep, deep down in the hopes that if they stayed buried, they simply would disappear.

Now, he was plagued with the guilt that it was a reason why Seaver left so abruptly.

There had been no warning to his departure. Just one day, he disappeared. Vanished. How many hours had he and Hani spent combing the whole territory in search for their friend? Well until their voices were hoarse from screaming and their paw pads bloody.

Days, weeks went by without a single trace.

He was gone.

Tears slipped past his defenses to create tiny rivers down his rough fur. He had been too much of a coward to admit the truth. His upper lip curled in frustration. He was beginning to feel jaded; the darkness that plagued him before was slowly regaining its grip. Some days, it felt like it would be easier to just succumb to it.

He had won the battle before, but was losing the war.

“Lawson!”

His eyes snapped open.

That voice.

“Porcupine! Where in the world are you?”

A presence as bright and warm as the sun.

Hani. Fawn. No matter how many times he tried to push her away in his anger, she refused to give up on him. Her kindness and pure heart made him feel like a monster; the small female was chipping away at the walls he worked so hard to build, refusing to give up on him.

Life began to return to his broken form. Each step of the golden wolf was mending the broken cackles of his heart. The powerful muscle within his chest cavity began to thump wildly at the thought of her breathtaking smile. A powerful urge to be near her returned strength to his numb limbs.

Fur askew and caked in mud, he emerged into the sun, squinting to adjust to the cleansing light. He shook off as if trying to rid the crushing weight. It didn’t take long to spot her coming through the clearing in Aspendell. She was beaming at having found the fellow Beta Courser.

Despite everything, he smiled back.

Her voice was like a song that saved his life.